Build Stronger
Welcome to Bob Kahrl's Marriage & Relationship Counseling
&
Healthier Relationships
About Bob Kahrl
LPCC, LLC
I am convinced that virtually every marriage has the real potential to develop into an ideal, intimate relationship. I am also certain that virtually every married person wants the marriage to succeed. Then what holds marriages back from being an ideal fulfillment of each partner’s wishes? The answer is that so many married partners have insufficient knowledge of the key elements that make marriages function well, and insufficient practice in forming new habits that move the marriage forward to the stage of meeting both partners’ most important emotional needs.
I believe that marriage counseling works best when both partners are present. I am interested in observing and assisting with the relationship between them. I do not engage in individual counseling, except by special request.
What are the key elements in a well-functioning marriage? What new habits need to be formed? These foundations are the basis for marriage counseling in this office. Each couple comes here with a unique story, a unique set of circumstances needing exploration. My first task is to assess their situation in a rigorous manner to gain understanding of how the marriage arrived at its current condition. An assessment usually requires two meetings. I do not charge for an assessment. At the end of the assessment, I will recommend how to perform most efficiently the steps needed to address the circumstances I have perceived. If the couple agrees with my working plan, then we start immediately to pursue the steps dictated by the plan.
The assessment is done without any obligations assumed by the couple. I invite you to call or text me so that we can arrange a first assessment meeting. In my experience, many couples learn a great deal even during the assessment process.
Services Provided
Recovering from
an Affair
Discovering an affair is usually the most devastating event in the betrayed partner’s life, and also causes enormous upheaval in the betrayer’s heart. I work closely with the couple, first toward having them decide to do the work needed to save the marriage, and second, to transform the marriage into something beyond what it has ever before been. I am not aiming for restoration of the marriage, but rather transformation of marriage.
Lessening Tensions
in Child-rearing Years
Raising children, one of the greatest privileges of marriage, also is a time when tension sometimes grows in a marriage due to the amount of time and attention devoted to the children, subtracting from the time needed for intimate communications.
My approach is two-fold. 1st, I help them create a child discipline plan that minimizes the amount of time needed to instill desired behavior and responsibility in the children. Second, we determine how to find ways to devote time to each other even when children are present.
Teaching
Transparency
Marriages are often hampered by the partners’ fears of being completely transparent with each other, and by this I mean their inability to discuss certain important topics with each other in a gracious, non-threatening manner. My goal is to transform their relationship by demonstrating and coaching the practice of constant graciousness, tailored to the personality of each partner. Being able to express oneself on any topic without fear of being denigrated or criticized is at the heart of marital communications.
Defeating Partner Loneliness & Create Intimacy
A major complaint in many marriages is that one or both partners feel lonely or abandoned by their mate, and that includes lack of intimate relations, including but not limited to sexual relations. Research shows that most couples devote inadequate amounts of time to each other during the working years. Creating an atmosphere of affection in the marriage is a goal of the work that I ask couples to do, and this requires more planning for time together than most couples have done. “How do we find time for each other with all our other obligations?” I ask them to apply new methods for prioritizing their time together, and maximizing their enjoyment of each other when they are together.
Resolving Differences of Opinion - Disputes
Disputes between married couples arise regularly. Some couple know how to resolve disputes without rancor, but many couples do not. I do not engage in mediation, nor do I judge who is right and wrong. Instead, I teach couples how to raise issues between them and resolve those issues themselves without escalation of emotions.
Premarital
Counseling
I introduce couples contemplating marriage to the major areas to which they need to pay attention in contemplation of marriage.
Especially important at this stage is learning how to resolve disputes graciously, inasmuch as the earliest years of marriage are marked by the struggles to overcome habits from respective their families of origin, and replace them with their own agreeable set of rules and habits for their own family.
Divorce
Counseling
I do not engage in divorce counseling. I teach couples how to have a happy marriage, not a happy divorce. I will never counsel getting a divorce.